Mastering Middle Management

Who Manages The Managers? (Part I)

So it’s your first day as a middle manager.

I love the term middle manager by the way. Because the middle is always the best part. You’re like the delicious sticky raspberry jam in a doughnut. The Empire Strikes Back of Management.

Anyway - CONGRATULATIONS, you’re now responsible for other human beings. And not the tiny little ones who have to do as you say or have their iPads taken away. No, I’m talking about real and actual adult humans, with complex needs and - let’s face it - occasionally outrageous demands.

Truthfully - the moment you first become a manager is really special. So soak it in and then get excited about what the future holds. But also - take a second to think about what’s changed and what you’re trying to achieve.

(And if you’re a reader hoping to become a manager one day - here’s a little insight into what’s in store.)

There are MANY difficult things about being a manager. But I wanna talk about two VERY difficult things about being a manager.

You Got Different Problems Now

If you’re an IC (Individual Contributor) you tend to have a (relatively) narrow set of potential problems. Now, before I get cancelled, I’m not talking about the difficulty or complexity of work here. Every time I hire someone, I aim to make sure that they’re far more talented than I am (way easier than it sounds). Not just because I’m going to be giving them some hella complicated work to do. But also because the smarter they are, the easier life gets for me. And I’m all about that easy life.

Still, I’m talking about the breadth of problems. When I hire a web developer - I want them to worry about… web development. And no matter how utterly bizarre or frighteningly difficult the task, and how close it pushes them to the limits of their ability…. It’s still web development.

When you become a Manager, the scope of your problems changes. Suddenly, you have to go from largely proactive to reactive. Because your responsibilities now include the most unpredictable project on the planet - people.

You don’t just get to think about code, or numbers, or content or sales anymore. Your problems are people. And people are… well… proper f**king random.

A manager friend of mine once famously summed this up as, “I was getting ready for bed last night. And while I was brushing my teeth, I couldn’t stop thinking about Errin.”

Her name wasn’t really Errin. I’m just using that name for confidentiality. Errin is a character wiedling a baseball bat in my Wrestling Card Game (which is a bestseller on Amazon and that I’m shamelessly plugging).

For context, Errin was an engineer who was finally getting her promotion. But the pay rise on offer would leave her still vastly underpaid compared with her male peers. Bittersweet news. And my friend had spent all day, all evening, and apparently all night - wracking her brain for a solution.

Should she hold back on another promotion till later in the year to increase the renumeration pot available for Errin? Should she dangle the money carrot further in front of Errin and keep pushing her? Or should she bribe the finance team after extorting company secrets over happy hour margaritas?

She’d already used the bribery thing once already, so that was out of the equation. And so finally as she got ready for bed, her thoughts simply turned to how the conversation of breaking the mixed news to Errin would go the next day.

How should she start? How should she finish? Will Errin react angrily? Will she just be so disappointed she quits? There was a lot to consider.

And that’s how so many decisions play out as a manager. Because the choices you make have repercussions beyond the hours of 9 and 5. You want to get things right technically. You want to get things right emotionally. And often despite all the compartmentalisation techniques you’ve learnt, sometimes being a good manager threatens to bleed over into your every waking thought.

The problem is that managers care. And caring isn’t something you can just close the laptop lid on at 5pm. So get used to having other people taking up space in your head. And then start practicing self-care. Because good managers look after their line reports. But great managers look after themselves too.

So what does self-care look like as a manager:

1 - Peer Support

This counts for double if you’re a donought-y middle manager. Because while you might manage a single team, your manager might be a C-Level, VP or Director with an endless domain of responsibilities. So unless they’re one of those rare gems that can do it all, they might not have a whole lot of bandwidth to coach, mentor and manage you exactly when you need it. So learn to rely on the other brilliant managers around you. They don’t have to be more senior than you to provide incredible managerial insight. Sometimes the best role model for you is sitting right beside you, going through something similar.

2 - Sharing

Take a look at any org chart and you’ll see a line that goes from a manager to a line report. Sometimes they even have down arrows on them, so they look like a one-way street. But ALL relationships are two-way. Becoming a manager doesn’t make you invulnerable and it shouldn’t dehumanise you. If you want people to talk to you, you’re gonna have to talk to them. Let down your guard. Admit that you’re having a shit day. And most importantly, be honest. If you bottle it all up, the people you’re managing will be the first to suffer when your cork finally pops.

Brush up on Trust Mountain!

(Disclaimer: This isn’t an excuse to rain down misery monologues on all those around you and dump all your problems on your team. Set healthy boundaries that EVERYONE can respect. Including you!)

3 - Saying, “Hell Nah.”

One thing you’re going to be doing with virtually your every waking moment as a manager is protecting your team’s time and telling people where they can go stick their fancy new projects and deadlines. And what nobody tells you is that you need to bring that SAME ENERGY to requests people make of you.

It’s going to be very tempting to jump at every chance to take on your manager’s pet project or pour your evening hours into a ‘nice-to-have’ idea that your stakeholder has been longing for. I mean, who doesn’t love extra credit right? It can genuinely help with your career.

But if you keep doing it, uncapped, you WILL burn yourself out. And what good are you to anybody then? Say NO. Trust me. You’ll gain a lot more credibility by saying,

“As much as I’d love to, I don’t have the capacity right now.”

Self-care is the only way you’re going to bring the best version of yourself to your team every day. And before you become good at managing other people, you need to become great at managing yourself.

Thanks for reading everyone! I know it’s been a while since my last post but I’ve been hard at work training to become Life and Career Coach - and it’s finally paying off!

Now I help people change the habits holding them back so that they can achieve the work & life goals they've been dreaming of. So if you or anyone else you know is interested in professional coaching - DM here or head on over to coachcrawford.com

I’m also cooking up some management training which I’ll share more about soon. But in the meantime, come back next week for “Who Manages The Managers Part 2!”